Archive for the 'Random lifestyle' Category

Who is the Masked Mother?

I wish...A generous friend once introduced me to the world of comic books by loaning me box after box of comics over a couple of years. I started as dismissively critical, and ended as an enthusiastic fan.

My preference was for DC and I do have a soft spot for Green Lantern.  Aah, happy days… Of course, one key element of so many superhero comics is the Secret Identity. And with the advent of internet communities, the problems of having a secret identity have spread to us mere mortals. How candid can you be online without somebody, somewhere being able to put a name to you?

In another community, and with another identity, I was once outed through a series of extraordinary coincidences by someone I had been at school with over 25 years before, although I was then living many hundreds of miles away. So I’m pretty aware of the possibilities, however slight they may seem, of recognition.

I’ve chosen to stay anonymous here at Edubuzz, and I’ve been rather wary about personal information – more so than my braver fellow parent-bloggers guineapigmum and Mumble, I’ve been cagey about the number, age, gender and place of schooling of my offspring, and of where we live.

It’s easy to keep quiet about your life – unless, that is, if you’re trying blog about it. The restrictions I have placed upon myself have put huge areas of communication out of bounds. I am also trying to avoid saying online anything that I’ve said to other parents, so I’m finding that I’m restricting my real-life conversations as well!

So this is MotherSoup’s paradox: I have a high level of anonymity so that I can blog candidly about my Offspring’s schooling, but I can’t blog candidly about my Offspring’s schooling without jeopardising my high level of anonymity… what to do?

A teacher friend (but not in East Lothian) and fellow blogger has said – knowing as they do the vagaries of some teachers –  that I am wise to maintain my anonymity – and indeed I will, it’s just a case of finding the right level. In theory I can only revise my anonymity level down: it’s very hard to become more anonymous at any stage: I can delete postings from my blog, but I can’t erase them from the mind of anyone who has read them.

Does anyone really care what one small blogger, in one small corner of a small country, thinks of her Offspring’s schooling? Would the school(s) in question actually give a toss? If it wasn’t for the fact my kids were involved, I doubt I’d be so bothered myself. Like guineapigmum, I’ve though of moving my blog to somewhere less specific. This would allow me more freedom, but would lose the focus and the community context that, I feel, brings the potential for real value to my blog.

No conclusions reached here – I’d be interested in any opinions readers may have on striking a balance.

Dhiss iss dhe Nuhds

Oh doh. I’ve gohd a cohld.

tissues

No sick leave from being a mother – unless you have the sort of relatives nearby who can lend a hand. We don’t, so life has to go on, just with a lot more mucus involved.

Somehow it seems deeply unfair.

Painting a Thousand Words on a Lawn…

… or: Revenge of the Professional Photographer

Yesterday I squawked on about how having a digital camera means that you can often supresede the services of a professional photographer… then within hours I was handed a fine example of what nonense that can sometimes be.

Mid afternoon, I walked into a room at the back of the house to see a puff of feathers and what seemed like an enormous bird of prey half-flying, half-dragging a collared dove a few feet across the lawn. It then proceeded to lunch on the pigey-bird, feathers flying everywhere. All just a few metres from where I was standing and gawping through a large picture window.

An extraordinary sight in a narrow, overgrown garden, bounded by residential properties, on a bus route, a few doors from a little supermarket! I so wanted to share it with someone, but there was just me, and a pre-schooler too young to be interested. An hour later and there would have been school-age Offspring, who would have been hugely interested. My neighbour came out to rattle her wheelie-bin and check her washing, but she disappeared back inside before she could disturb the bird or before I could semaphore my excitement.

Through the binoculars – luckily to hand – I could literally count the feathers: it was a buzzard – not that uncommon a bird, but a rare sight from your dining table!

Off to get my friendly digital camera. Not much zoom, but the bird was so close – surely it was worth trying to take a shot? The nature photographers make it look so easy…

Well – take a look. What a magnificent piece of work. I shall, of course by entering it for numerous awards – not!

Buzzard

I’m a Parent… and a Customer

http://www.flickr.com/photos/supercake/515680417/Here’s a posting with an elephantine gestation. It was started in repsonse to Don’s considerations of teaching, children and parents in relation to customer service. But it became too long, too personal and too late to be part of that original discussion.

I was interested to read some of the impressions people seem to have of customers and customer service: customers are often seen as demanding, unreasonable, self-important, pompous, selfish; customer service providers can be either subservient artificial toadies, or else monosyllabic spotty drop-outs in a McJob. This dual negativity is particularly prevalent in the UK – in the USA and on the continent it’s possible to see, say, waiting tables in a restaurant as a far more respectable career. Perhaps there is an echo here of British class sentiments from a time when who-served-who defined society?

I feel these cliches of customer are no more relevant today than the image of teachers all wearing corduroy elbow patches. In some contrast to guineapigmum, I don’t have a problem with seeing my parent-self as a customer, maybe because I’ve worked as a manager responsible for customer service, including in some pretty non-standard environments.

Like Don, I feel there is a strong correlation between the tenets of customer service and many of the good practices of a teaching environment. Good customer service is genuine – less “false sycophantic grovelling” and more Unconditional Positive Regard. My experience of UPR comes via the work of Carl Rogers who also stressed the value of empathy: making the effort to consider the situation from the other’s point of view. From my point of view this might involve the schools and teachers looking at situations and asking “How might this make parents feel?” (Don picked up on this very idea while I was busy writing this posting!) Unfortunately, I’ve had a few too many experiences recently where there is no sense that any practical consideration is being given in this way.

Someone mentioned the line “The customer is always right”, which does seem to emphasise the image of kow-towing to unreasonable behaviour. Instead, I’d proffer “The customer’s perception is always valid” – which encourages  looking from the customer’s point of view. I’ve written elsewhere about how a recent uncomfortable situation with the school was considerably improved when I received a phonecall from a teacher. She didn’t change the situation, but her genuine appreciation of my circumstances helped me to feel my concerns were validated. Nothing had truly changed, but I felt more positive.

Jan Carlzon introduced the concept of ‘moments of truth’ having gained a reputation for turning around the fortune of a large airline company by focusing on customer service. He recognised that it’s often the little unplanned interactions and experiences which mount up to create someone’s impression of an organisation. Attention to detail and constructive vigilance can at the core of making great moments of truth – and these are also key skills displayed by so many education professionals: a good combination. I can’t find a single decent link to the workplace philosophies of Jan Carlzon, but there’s an interview here.

Don considered the idea that the customer relationship with children can be seen as a journey – that’s a fine model for the situation with parents as well. From the first visit to put down your child’s name on the roll, the first hesitant familiarisation and induction events, right through to the final day, there’s a real chance for growth and development – but only if there’s a chance to recognise parents as individuals and meet their needs. And parents’ needs may be as specific as their child’s, and may have a real impact. Here’s a scenario based on a real situation, although I’ll change a few details for confidentiality’s sake: I know a mum in another region with a lively young child currently in the lower end of primary – a great kid who benefits from support, and a mum keen to be involved. But the mum grew up in the area, and went to the same primary school. Little has changed since her day, right down to the rather formidable secretary. She finds it terrifying to go into – or phone – the school, and in particular to speak with the secretary. She is obliged to work full time, and doesn’t get the chance to chat with her child’s teacher without arranging an appointment through the secretary. Who could pick up on her needs, and how? I can’t say I know the answers here…

A customer relationship is a two-way relationship. Don describes how he feels self-centred in relationships where he is the customer. But he knows he is the customer, he has a reasonable idea of what is on offered to him, he recognises that he is one of many customers and that – to a certain extent – that affects the product he receives. Nobody teaches us how to be parents of a school-age child. I attended antenatal classes before having a baby, but I have had ZERO guidance about what is required as a Playground Mum. The school’s induction didn’t even tell me to which door I should take my child. It’s that basic. All the ‘Parents as Partners’ initiatives are all very well, but maybe there’s space for some more fundamental interaction before most parents would feel secure enough to get involved anything more sophisticated. It’s hard to ask for support when you’ve so little idea of what you could ask for.

But asking for and receiving support in a customer environment can be a satisfying two-way relationship. The customer acknowledges and values the professional knowledge or skills available, and the provider (for want of a better word) gets the opportunity to use those skills and get a satisfied result, plus – one hopes – the recognition it deserves. So I would want to add to Don’s list of customer needs: “Trust me – and expect me to trust you” and concur with him that trust is at the centre of these relationships. Maybe there is an issue here with how people tend to cope with being a customer – some people seem to find it hugely embarrassing to ‘be served’, and struggle to find the right note. How should parents behave towards teachers? Some may not have spoken to a teacher since their last day at school – what model for behaviour do they have? I was always left at home on parents’ evenings – I’ve not one single memory of my own parents speaking to any of my schoolteachers, so I’ve no model there either… I have to feel for the shouty Dad in Don’s story – I guess he may have felt very much at sea…

As a customer, I often have to be managed in order to be served. I’d be happy to have the opportunity to be more managed as a schoolparent – there are times when it would be a great help. I don’t want more power over the teachers (or for them to have more power over me) – a relationship built on power tends to be a relationship in trouble.

This posting has wandered around without drawing to a clear conclusion. But it’s given me plenty to reflect upon.

The Juggernaut of Responsibility

Not much posting going on – and not much lurking and commenting on other people’s blogs either – despite the best of intentions.

We’ve had a good few days which have been ‘non-routine’ as the Beloved Spouse has been undergoing and recovering from a standard medical procedure which shouldn’t have any long-term concerns attached to it (well that’s easy for me to say, I’m not the patient ;-P). But it’s been enough to require a couple of days off work convalescing and a couple of days of me doing much more of all-that-there-is-to-be-done around the house.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rickabbott/50959528/So - no room for extra activities like blogging. And lots of other things have been cancelled, postponed or half done. But schooling goes on. It’s a juggernaut which we cannot halt, it’s just something that we have to go along with. Offspring must get to school, one way or another, and hopefully cleaned, fed, brushed, uniformed, provisioned and correctly equipped.

Now I know families where school is treated as rather more… optional, and is the first thing to disappear from the timetable if household life is getting to chaotic. I don’t feel I could treat it like that. I can anticipate situations – real family crises – which might require absences, but otherwise it’s one fixed point in our lives. You can’t book annual leave from school. No duvet days in the world of education.

Just hope the teachers will look tolerantly on this weekend’s homework, which surely can’t show the usual levels of concentration. Sorry – ‘Could Do Better’ – really doesn’t apply this time.

 Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible….

How MotherSoup made Dog Soup

drying_dogsjpg.JPGIf you’re a mother with younger children, then there’s a phrase which makes your heart sink. Its:

SURFACE WASHABLE ONLY

I’m rather of the opinion that if a soft toy cannot be washed then it’s been over-engineered.

OK if it’s got some electronic component, then it’s not going to be happy in the washine machine – mind you, some of those noisy toys deserve dunking in a bucket.

But your average stuffed or beany toy, designed for little kids, needs to washable. Yuk – it’s just not hygienic otherwise: they’ll drag it around the floor, it’ll gather dust for a few months, then they’ll chew it.

Besides – any toy which can’t cope with a dunk in soapy water isn’t going to cope with the vissicitudes of small children, is it? And I doubted it would start to emit dangerous toxins just because I’d washed it. Couldn’t be any more dangerous than letting my children cuddle years of accumulated filth…

So this morning, with them all busy getting educated or otherwise amused, I pounced on  those toys whose labels forbade washing. I figured if they exploded messily as a result, I could hide the evidence before the Offspring noticed.

There was enough to fill the bath, even before I added water and a good squirt of something germicidal. Within moments the water had dirtied until it was the colour (and almost the consistency) of mushroom soup. I felt like such a Bad Mother.

Dog Soup (with a dash of cat, penguin and bunny) soon became even more gruesome, as I laid the drippy animals across a horizontal drying rack. They looked for all the world like a barbecue. But by the time the Offspring caught sight of the cuddlies, they were hanging innocently from clothes-pegs by their various appendages.

None of them seem to have exploded messily. So much for manufacturer’s guidance.

East Lothian Life (or: why I chose my header)

As I write this – for who knows if it may change in the future – my header image is the beach at Gullane on an icy cold but clear winter’s morning. It’s a lovely place to go at any time of year, but off-season it is often possible to have one of the most beautiful beaches in Southern Scotland entirely to yourself. Wherever you live in East Lothian you can (if you’ve got a car) have a leisurely breakfast, bundle the kids up for a walk on the beach, and still meander home for a warming lunch. And whenever I do this, I count our blessings. We are lucky to have such an environment where our children can grow up: hills, forests, seashore and citylife all on our doorstep. I’ve spent time in other parts of the country where *all* of these were out of reach – I want to appreciate them here and now.

And my kids? They take it for granted, of course. They’re children. But I’m glad they’ve got such things built into their lives from a such an early age. I know the schools do use these amazing resources: here are recent activities at Berwick Law and Saltoun. These events must take real effort to set-up, but I’m glad to read that such opportunities are being created. Lucky kids.