MotherSoup

My heart sinks when I see stories about ‘pushy parents’ - like this BBC write-up of a Guardian article.

Ironically, this article is listed alongside another in which parents are encouraged to get more involved by reading to their children! Ever felt you can’t win?

Pity the poor parent trying to tread the fine line between supporting and being over-bearing, a line which is always shifting to meet the changing needs of the child, and is different at every stage for each individual offspring. 

The merest hint that you might be ‘pushing’ your child is to be denied hotly. You might get away with talking proudly of your child’s achievements, but never, never let it be thought that you have a hand in it.

And woe betide any parent who doesn’t get it quite right. I can see there’s an issue with these parents who try to manage their adult offspring’s careers. But in a world filled with so much misery, sickness and wickedness, why do people spare so much vituperation to heap on parents who try so hard?

Being thought of as a ‘pushy parent’ is a heinous sin. Your kids will resent you, now or in later life. Other parents will despise you. Teachers will disapprove of you. You’ll be marked out as a trouble-maker. For some reason it’s one of the most dreaded labels, so that there’s an insidious fear of it. Right now I find I’m nervous because I would like to know more about my child’s progress and targets, but can’t see an easy way to do so without risking the ‘pushy’ label. I imagine I’m not the only parent who feels nervous in situations like this.

My priority has to be my child, not my concern of what others think of me. I feel it’s terribly, terribly British to be so bothered like this - I can’t imagine any of my Amercian aquaintances being in the slightest bit bothered!

I have talked before about how I’m happy, as a parent, to be seen as a type of customer. And as I customer I’m not afraid of pushing. But here I want to be certain that I am doing the right thing for my child - an extra dimension.

I think I’ve just argued myself into upping and saying something about my query, sooner rather than later. But I still wish that, as a society, we could find a better way to respond to concerned and assertive parents that doesn’t involved the dreaded condemnation of ‘pushy’.