Comments on: Absorbing people’s pain: A Leader’s Role

By: Charlie A. Roy

Charlie A. Roy — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 23:48:04 +0000

Peoria Illinois in the States. Peoria is about 2.5 hours southwest of Chicago. You are right everyone’s issue is the most important issue to them.

By: Don Ledingham

Don Ledingham — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:27:07 +0000

Thanks Charlie. Whereabouts in the States? What can appear petty for leaders can be of immense importance for those whom are led. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.

By: Charlie A. Roy

Charlie A. Roy — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:55:34 +0000

Love the post. I work as the principal of a Catholic Secondary school in the States and I would say 20% of my day is spent being an empathetic listener and bearing the pain of others. The sad thing is the majority of the pain is often caused by the pettiness of others.

By: Joan

Joan — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 10:55:21 +0000

As ever your wisdom shines through Don.
Your leadership style is an example to us all.
Finding a way to communicate that is receptive and helpful without taking on the other’s burden can be difficult but ultimately more satisfying and productive for all concerned.
The traditional image of the “boss” being “bossy” is outdated.

By: Alan Coady

Alan Coady — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:30:10 +0000

Focusing specifically on the “downward” direction of coaching, advice, wisdom etc. what you suggest sounds entirely natural. In a profession where repeated promotion means leaving the classroom, it is understandable that many will choose to remain doing the thing that attracted them to teaching in the first place. This necessarily results in situations where a manager could be advising a person many years their senior. In such cases a balance between professional and life experience will hopefully emerge.

By: Donald j Macdonald

Donald j Macdonald — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:01:35 +0000

This recollection of Don’s certainly strikes a chord with me. A good part of my day as HT can be spent listening to others whilst they share their various concerns with me. I do my best not to allow for transfer of monkey to my shoulders though.
At a colleague’s farewell speech to Edinburgh sec HTs yesterday, a retiring HT mentioned a bit of advice he received from a Danish Headteacher many years ago. He suggested that ‘a problem shared, is a problem doubled’; I’m sure we can all recall situations where this alternative perspective applies!

By: Jackie Cameron

Jackie Cameron — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:49:25 +0000

Thanks for sharing that story Don - I found it very powerful.
Coincidentally when I was a participant in a leadership programme at Columba 1400 - which was founded by Norman Drummond - I was learning to coach and my own coach was a young man of 19 (at that stage the same age as my daughter). That made for a very interesting coaching relationship.He asked great questions.

By: Andrea Reid

Andrea Reid — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:34:52 +0000

It’s hard isn’t it? The more you listen actively the more you see how life is pretty traumatic for most of us at some point. I don’t know if I’m very good at absorbing always but I try. The thing I always remember is the passing the monkey from your back thing - people often just need to tell you their worry or concern but don’t need anymore than that! The more I contemplate things like this through coaching training, daily work etc the more it comes back to working with people so they can find their own solutions, but also this thing of duty and selflessness - it’s so hard to approach life in that way but ultimately really rewarding.What I found is that we often need to go through some difficulties/hurdles ourselves - the callouses on the soul thing, before we can get nearer that calm, selfless, duty bit… I’ve a way to go yet!

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:48:21 +0000

Am interested to know is the image you have chosen representational of you absorbing or the other person offloading?!!! Either way it’s looks a bit painful. It’s a very good graphic for how I imagine people to be feeling when I harp on about the importance of the experiences of children under 3 though!